The calm after the storm......

I have finally gotten over my hurt feelings and my frustrations. Sometimes it takes me spitting it all out on paper to be able to let it all go. Our move coming up on us QUICKLY and I was just told today that my hubby will have the ENTIRE holiday weekend off. YEA! He has worked 2 months straight, 12-15 hour days so we will have plenty of money for this move. Our son is beginning to be less fussy since his ear infections are in check and he has stopped teething for a brief moment. I have been able to just take a deep breath and exhale.
I am finally able to sit down for a few minutes and enjoy what life has to offer. Sometimes I get caught up in the every day hustle bustle of life, and the normal hum drum of everyday repeating itself over and over again. I was given some good advice from someone, "Don't worry, you will be gone soon and it is off to making new friends."
That couldn't have been more true than the sky being blue. That person was SOOO right. The light FINALLY went on in the Attic and everything rolled right off my shoulders and into the gutter where it belongs. What do I have to worry about? I have a wonderful husband, and and AMAZING son. When you strip everything else away, at the end of the day, that is all that matters. Everything else is trivial compared to that.
Which brings me to some great news for us. After months of discussion, we have decided that now is the time to start trying for another baby. He is 28 and I am 27. We both really want to be able to do the little league and the boy scouts and all of the other stuff before we get too geriatric. LOL I know we aren't even thirty yet but we are unsure of how many children we want and I seem to have pregnancies that are almost high risk due to hypertension. So, we are just going to go for it. If we are not pregnant by the time I am 30, then we will not have any more children. I say it like that because we are not able to conceive the way "normal" people do.
My husband had a vasectomy when he was 22 and we met when he was 24 and I was 23. Neither of us wanted any more children when we met. Myself, having a son who lives with his father and step mother, and Sean, having a son (the same age as mine) who recently went to live with his mother, and a daughter which he was not able to see for circumstances beyond his control. Well, after getting married and being married for a year, we felt like something was missing. We had changed our minds and wanted to raise children together. We tried artificial insemination which was so expensive and required LOTS of planning. Blood work and ovulation monitoring and precise timing. We chose a donor and payed LOTS of money for the procedure and it did not take. VERY HEART BREAKING. We tried one more time and when that didn't take, we decided to give it a rest for a while. A year later we tried again and still the same result. I went to so many doctor appointments to find out what the problem was, the Dr said there was absolutely NO problem with me, there was no explanation on why i was not getting pregnant. We looked into invetro and that was at LEAST 13,000. We looked into Vasectomy reversal. Anywhere from 5,500 to 13,000. Expensive and also VERY painful for Sean. They could extract from him and artificially inseminate, but again, it was too painful for him and too expensive, and you run the chance of it not taking and you are left holding the bag. I had done LOTS of research online about infertility and artificial insemination. I had contacted banks and asked a LOT of question, and I had read up on EVERYTHING I could about the human reproductive system. So in November of 2005, after just letting the subject be for several months, I approached Sean with trying ONE MORE TIME. Only this time, we weren't going to do the blood work or the fertility drugs, or all of the over planning, we were just going to set the date and time and not worry about it any further. Well 2 weeks from then we tried again with the attitude of well, it is worth one more shot. A week later, I woke up to go to work and just KNEW without a doubt that I was pregnant. I felt different. So I was able to take a test a week later and sure enough, WE WERE PREGNANT.
I have to tell you, unless you have experienced it yourself, the inability to have children "naturally" is so hard. But, the feeling of bliss you feel after accomplishing the goal, is a thousand times more rewarding. Our son has brought so much joy to our lives. I grew up and only child. I had siblings but they did not live with me and they were quite a bit younger than myself and growing up an only child is SO lonely. There is such a big void being an only child. Sean grew up with 2 brothers and he said is was such a great experience that he really wants our son to have at least one sibling, so what a better time than now. No over planning or stressing and over analyzing.
So June 2ND through the 6Th is our window of opportunity and by the time we are driving to our new home, we will know if it took or not. I will be sure to post the result. I kind of like this blogging thing. I have read quite a few blogging pages and you know it is great to read other people's feelings and point of views. I have learned a few valuable lessons from others and I decided that my experiences may just help someone else. You never know, who may be reading.